To go back to college or not?

An older millennial wakes up from a coma of around twenty years. His last memory is all the ‘fun’ he had in college. He desperately wants to enroll back in college. As he ruminates on this, a friend books him a shared cab to go home. He shares the cab with a student attending ‘online classes’ at an elite private university and simultaneously working on what he called an ‘asynchronous assignment.’ Being perplexed about hearing about the ‘new world’ which he finds himself in, he lets the student know about his intentions to go back to college and asks the student to expand on all the ‘fun’ he is having in his classes. The student asks what ‘fun’ is he talking about and unloads on the older millennial. Experts of this conversation are broken down and all profanities have been edited out. Are you still reading this? Why? Don’t you have some work to finish?

If you are still reading, the snippets from the conversation are as follows. The student allays his fears…

~ Loss of attendance if you don’t submit an asynchronous activity within a stipulated time. Never mind if the activity normally takes longer than the stipulated time. Finish the assignment, or lose attendance is the ultimatum that is given

~ Fear of not being able to ‘unmute’ while the teacher asks a question and the subsequent loss of attendance

~ Fear of his laptop restarting in the first 5 minutes of class and losing attendance

~Fear of accidentally ‘unmuting’ himself while going to the bathroom. Has happened once, still embarrassed about it

~Fear of sleeping with my camera on!

~ Fear of the teacher shouting too loud and ‘spittle’ falling through the mobile phone or laptop. I have installed a ‘viper’ just in case it gets too unbearable!

~Fear of suffering a migraine headache everyday after staring at the screen for hours. It happens everyday!

~ The student says, “ Sir… you know they say the U.S. has a permanent political campaign cycle.” My university has a permanent assessment and exam cycle. There is one fat professor who doesn’t shave and dresses shabbily. All he talks about in class is assessments. At least, that’s the only thing I hear. Just want to strangle him.

“Jesus Christ,” says the older millennial. Sir…please don’t say that, it gives me nightmares!

Having heard all these ‘fears’ the older millennial is in a daze. He asks “ Is there anything fun about college anymore”? Yes, yes… sir! They used to send me home for wearing a ‘kurta,’ now I am attending classes like ‘Winnie the Pooh.’ With a smirk on his face, the student gets off the cab. The older millennial asks the cab driver to turn back the cab and go to the hospital. He goes back to the doctor and asks him to put him under a medically induced coma. Amen!

(Note: This is a work of fiction, all of the above is ‘absolutely true’ if we are living in the ‘matrix.’ Are we?)